SCARRED

There are times I look at my scars and sigh
Scars inflicted by my own husband,Love,friend,Partner
my Heart
Scars by societal pressures
Scars by own insecurities
Scars by own inadequacies
Scars,By my foolishness

He has spat on me for failing to woman up
Ridiculed me for loving him
Scolded me for sharing my thoughts
A woman must not be heard but seen
He believes so
Reminded me of my failures and uselessness
Pushed me to the wall and prayed I never bounce back
He has brought me down a thousand times
Kicked me out and locked the door behind with a bang
Killed me twice, thrice and everyday
Oh boy! HE has tried

Today is the 9th time I’m allowing myself break
I will curll my thin body in our duvet,
The one we slept in on our first date
The one that holds a million memories of our happy times
The one that has seen me sleep hungry
The one that has seen me naked for him
Yes, that one
And I will let out my frustrations
I will lock myself up and wail
I will let my tears flow, freely
For I have hold them in for long
And they’re threatening to sell Me out
Today I’ll cry my heart out
Today I’ll be vulnerable
I want to drown in the pool of my tears
Today,
But it won’t be for long

I will then rise up
Wash my eyes
Shake off the pain
Dust away the burdens
Walk out of that door
Close that door
And walk a free person
I will leave him
With a heavy heart,Step by step I’ll move
And try not to look back
I will be ready to tell the Society how I tried
How I loved
How I failed
For I want to believe,I was the problem
I am choosing this path
Thorny path
Not for pleasures
Not for Laughs
Not for anything
But for my own healing
And pray that one day,
When all is done and settled
I’ll still Love again.

#Memoirs

Behind That Smile

Behind that smile lies hurricanes

No one can guess

Everyone tells me I’m bad

Not knowing of the monsters

Hiding deep inside my head

They just can’t see

How the monster has gradually grown inside me

Because i have known to tame even the world’s worst ocean tides

My solitude comfort is in words

When tragedies traverse

I fain with paper and quill

Dipping them in ink

In ways so amicable

At times i get confused

What betrays me more?

My dreams? My eyes?

I feel empty

At the same time I feel it’s a nuisance

It’s a nuisance to carry the emptiness in me

And so I wish,

To fill it with the “It shall be okay” thoughts

But for how long?

I fight everyday, every night

Again and again with myself

Shedding droplets of pain each time

Words and tears rhymed

both combined to form couplets in time

Amazingly

I see magic

Through my tearful tragic

And it’s through this

That I’ve mastered that art

That art of forming high verses of poetic songs

Patiently Holding onto the scary night

For it shall surely dawn.

B’n a While here. Hallooow✋

I’m fine…Hell No!!!

So he asked me how I was

And I wanted to Open my heart to him

I wanted to whisper

I’m not fine

I’m not doing good at all

I hardly sleep

I have nightmares

I am slowly breaking

Slowly drowning in my own mind

My body aches

My joints are numb

My body scares me to death

Its bruises are hurting each day

The silliest and smallest things trigger my sad emotions

I can’t tell him

My past thoughts are suicidal

I think of ending it all

But I can’t tell him that

I can’t tell him I’m tired

I can’t just open up

And so

All i said was

I’m Okay,I’m doing good

And the saddest part was

HE BELIEVED ME

°Note°

Not Everyone is Fine is Actually Fine. Do not trust them. Get a little bit closer. Go beyond the ‘I’m fine’ phrase.

xx

‘ENTRAPPED’

So I stand here and watch
Warm tears make their way down
Her unpolluted cheeks so chubby
It is beyond her fears
Beyond her humanity
She feels all alone in the world of misery
For the first time in a long time
She carries the whole world
On her shoulders
Feels like crumbling down
Feels like giving up
Like letting herself off

But no….

Not any time soon
Not today, not now
Something keeps her moving
That which is so precious
That which she must live for
The creature in her tiny tummy
She is scared
See the scar on her left arm?
What of her fractured arm?
Do you see her chest bruises?
What of her bleeding knee?
Can you guess what she’s been through?
The moon no longer shines on her
The stars no longer smile with her
And perhaps tell her it’s gonna be alright
Her world feels dark
Does she still have some energy left?
To protect that which belongs to her
Like an angry lioness
Will she hungrily hold on a little longer?
So you ask.
And because she has been broken
She understands the pain
She is accustomed to pain
She will survive
She will protect
And eventually
Tomorrow will come
But before then
CRY SISTER CRY
(sobs sobs)
~Entrapped

Ps~i did this piece sleep-typing so perhaps you’ll understand😂

In frame: UNKNOWN
WRITTEN BY: Mully Estrah
Getitright2017@wordpress.com

Of Big Eyes

Her eyes can swallow the
Stars, galaxies and Universes
She always know the effect of her eyes
And how they disarmingly tantalize
Her admirers are left to fantasize
Of those big eyes

Her eyes are like fire
They ain’t red or anything close
Not particularly warm, either
They don’t glow or ‘appear to glow’
Whatever that means
But they have some hidden beauty of the night
Nature within her spirit
That leave guys wondering
Of those big eyes

Her eyes are cornflower blue
The hue of the most magical things in life
At one point
They will draw you in
Then slowly let you go
The power of BIG,BEAUTIFUL EYES.

xx

HE RAPED ME!!

By:Ms. ESTRAH

He raped me
I saw him,I heard him.

Son to my mother’s brother

Grandson to my grandfather’s soil

I remember him

How he sounded sweet and convincing

How he made himself seem trustworthy

That night, that awful night

He raped me!
He was right there. Beside me

Telling me how good looking I was

How he Loved me but just like ‘His sister’

How overprotective he always was

How he wanted me to be a good girl always

How proud he felt when with me

I listened to everything.

He was sweet. Right?

Then, he raped me!

At first He,

Made me Feel safe with him

Then invited me for dinner

Who on earth could resist such an invitation?

Didn’t bother to inform my friends nor parents

After all,

He was a nice,harmless person.

Then, he Raped me!

In his house

I was served dinner.

A different kind of dinner

He moved closer,

Cuddled me in His arms as he whispered

‘make love to me tonight’

It hit me. I had made a mistake

I wasn’t ready

My virginity meant everything

The thoughts of giving it up was a nightmare

But he raped me

I Resisted

Promised to let him in tomorrow

He could hear none of it

I watched helplessly

As he tore my blouse

To scream was to cause chaos

Look,It was my mistake

I trusted Him

I watched

As he Grabbed my breasts

I watched

As he lifted my skirt,tearing my pink pantie

I watched. I remember

I wasn’t ready, but I was helpless

I sobbed,Silent sobs

With tears I pleaded,

But no! I wasn’t to be heard

Not until I bled.

And now I feel empty

But who is to blame???

GIRL-FRIEND

Girlfriend, I may not be with you all the time, but deep within me you know I wish to

I always want to make you happy, hey! But i’m just a human being so at times I annoy you and yes I will still annoy you. But that’s what makes a friendship sweet you know 😏.

We plan to meet over dinner but you see, at times I terribly fail you😢. It’s not my wish to always do so girlfriend but circumstances do force me to. So this I promise; I will still make it up to you.

See girlfriend, I may not always understand you neither do what you really want me to. But this is my promise; we will still walk together. Hand in hand till we get there.

Other friends will come your way, and some will come my way too. Don’t ever forget this…. We are destined to grow in our friendship together. Climb hills together, skip the potholes together and run together. Oh wait! Struggle with the lectures together 😂😂😂.

One more thing girlfriend….i may not be the best out there. I may not be the perfect friend. But inspite and despite all these, you can rest assured that someone cares. And that’s me😎.

……………😍😍😍………….

HEY BOY….

Boy, should you see me with another man,

Please find it in your heart not to cry

Should you see me calling another man “mine”

Let not a tear fall from your eyes

Could it happen that I invite you to my wedding,

Please choose not to tamper with anything. It will be my Only great day.

Should I ever call or text you first,

Please reply with “Hello my friend, how can I help you?”

Just to remind me that we are still friends and not lovers.

To remind me that we once had a “thing” but it’s there no more .

And could you find it hard to let me go,

Kindly flashback on everything you did,

On all painful ordeals you made me go through, all the illnesses you caused me, The fights you couldn’t avoid engage me into daily, the violence that escaped from your mouth towards me and The love you greedily denied me.

Should you feel to apologize, please remember that I forgave you the very same day, we parted ways.

Should you feel to blame yourself for all this, Please go ahead, it’s your thorny bed honey.
@Estrahmully

When We Two Parted

When we two parted

There was no bye

Only tears prevented us

From seeing each other

And now that you are coming back,

How do you want me to greet thee?
With tears of joy or laughter?

With songs or laments?

With my head low or held high?

When we two parted,

There was no bye,

And now that you are coming back

How do you want me to meet thee?

Well, I guess with tears and silence😷

~Esther Muli ~